Verbosity on Occasion

I've been losing sleep recently. I was home for Christmas break and my mom opined that it might be if things were weighing on me or I was worried, and that is certainly true, but for now my worries are my own. Reguardless of the cause, there has been an odd side effect that I've just come to realize.

So this is a morning entry, it will probably sound a lot more disjoiinted than usual, but I've come to realize over the course of two dreams in the last two days that I'm a very strange individual, and this isn't just going to be about my problems, well it is, but keep reading, it will be interesting and amusing.

First, this was the most recent thought and was a realization while I was lying in bed for the second time this morning and debating getting back up again to write or not. I realized that I'm totally emotionally dependent on others, mainly for confidence. A prime example of this is how my roommates can totally make or break my day just on how they react to me during the day. It's so stupid and I'm realizing it's a horrible weakness if I'm not able to stand on my own without the support of others, which can of course help, but shouldn't be the sole support of your self structure. For the record, my roommates aren't back from break yet, and I'm quite fine, so maybe that helped to make me realize. Ok, on to jucier things.

Second, the dream two days ago was quite bizzare. I dreamt I was in a Flute master class in my senior year of high school along with my sister's best friend. She does play flute, I however do not, I play the trombone, which is rather unlike a flute in many regards. Anyway, dream-me had decided that he was going to take up a new instrument for Senior year, and I do really like the sounds of the flute, but in reality have never considered it before. Anyway, In the dream the clinician (guest musician/speaker) was getting really boring, and the dream-me reacted like the current me in that he moved to keep himself occupied because he realized he was being forced to sit through a hot-air lecture from someone who wasn't qualified or going to benefit him. Anyway, somehow the clinician asked something and dream-me failed to respond and he got quite cross and was yelling and frustrated and I had no exscuse, being that you can't politely say "Sorry, you're boring and it's become apparent that you're not going to present the calibre of presentation I was expecting." Anyway, I don't remember beyond that so clearly except that the band director later came in very upset that his clinician was upset (he hadn't been present) and that I told him it was totally my fault and I wasn't paying attention because he was boring and offering little good advice, which is the kind of relationship I had with my high school band director. Ok, so then I woke up and my half-concious brain listened to the message of my un-conscious thoughts and produced a conclusion. I've got mental damage from high school band. Yup. See, half-way through my senior year our great band director had to leave completely unexpectedly and it ended up devistating the band program, which was the center of many of my friend's lives at the time, because it was a very very good program with great music and even better community. And I realized just two days ago that losing that male role model and suddenly losing so much of my support, especially musically has really harmed me. I had started to try other brass instruments that year, but in three years of college, I've only drifted further and further from music, to the point where I'm not even inspired to play anymore. I mourn for that loss, but I think my brain was right, I really did get scarred when I lost such an influence in my life and I've never recovered from it, or until now even realized it occured.

And now, the silly rediculous realization that made me get up and record the above two and the one to follow. Here was a good way my thoughts organized it, I'm so busy trying to impress or attract one that when I finally do, I'm so pleased and suprised that I forget that I've done altogether. To place it in a metaphor, It's as if I've gone fishing, and I'm not really actively fishing, just kind of doing it while I'm about my business, and I've got my line in the water when suddenly the line goes taunt and the pole starts to bend and I say "Hey look I've got one!!" and then walked inside for pizza. I think in real life I do this thing. I'll flirt and tease and then let it go. If you're a female friend and you're reading this, I bet you know what I'm talking about. And I want to thank you for being my friend even though I have this flaw, because I've always thought I'm pretty bad with girls and not knowing what I want in relationships always makes them turn out poorly, but I'm realizing more of my own behavior with this dream. I probably won't change, but I can try. Next time I'm either going to have to pull my line in and stop fishing so I don't catch some poor fish and leave it stranded, or be actively fishing with the intent to catch one. Today one of our family friends is getting married and I'm going along, though I don't really know the bride and definately don't know the groom, but a lot of people my age are getting married.
Have a great day guys!

Innagural Post

Alright, Many times I've considered a web journal. I keep a little black book of thoughts as well, but I never seem to have the time to sit and write in it. I won't really remember to come write in this Blog all that often either. But on the rare occassion when I am inspired or just can't get to sleep, I'll take up one of the two, if you're reading this, then let's hope I choose a computer screen glow over a dim lamp and ink.

My thoughts tonight are inspired by my cup of tea.

I'm an American 20 year old, and the consumption of herbs by people my age generally is not by method of intinction. However, in homage to a favorite author, Douglas Adams, sadly deceased, I set out on the goal of creating a decent cup of tea. I actually reached that goal prior to tonight's cup, but we'll get to that.

Douglas Adams wrote that Americans don't like tea becuase they haven't a clue how to make one. Shortly after reading his suggestions I read a similar article on the BBC news-site over modern scientific arguments for the best preparation of tea.

In case you'll wish to try it yourself, here are a few key concepts:
1) Heat the water in one container, add the teabags to a second one, and then the just boiled water into the teabag container (teapot) NOTE: Teabag NOT in your final cup.

2) Let steep in teapot for 2-5 minutes, over steeping can cause the tea to go bitter according to my sagely mother.

3) Despite the severe social taboo of british tradition, you must add the milk you want into your teacup or mug first, don't add it after the tea as is polite, because you'll scald your milk, and you won't like the tea. Your milk is scalded if your tea tastes like scalded milk instead of tea, that's the best I can describe it.

4) Most recently discovered tonight, Don't use year-old french airline honey packets. Use honey to sweeten your tea, just not the kind described above.

Alright, so, the tea leaves, use whatever you like, really you're just taking water and making it taste like something from the ground and then hiding it behind something better tasting made by animals, I'm really not that big of a fan, but this was a motivated effort.

I initially sought out some of my mom's tea from the cupboard while home on thanksgiving break. This resulted in my returning with three types. I DIDN'T take Chammomile or any berry or lemon or citrus teas, but they all are good. What I did come up with was Sugar Plum mix, Gingerbread mix, and Peppermint leaves.

At first I didn't have any milk or honey, so the first two cups, one each of Gingerbread and Sugar Plum, smelled quite wonderful while steaming in my mug. Unfortunately they were bland and bitter when I tried to force myself to drink them so they got dumped. "Expensive potpourri" according to my roommates. Then I got some milk, and having heard the warning of step three above, I tried putting my milk in the mug first. However, I'd not yet become savvy to step 1 and right after the milk, I added the teabag, which soaked up the milk and did something quite unlike the intended effect, needless to say it was not an acceptable cup of tea.

Then I decided to try the peppermint tea, which is just peppermint leaves and not tea leaves. It was awful, didn't even smell that good. End of that story.

Finally, my roommate Michael's girlfriend April brought over some tea, so I was prepared to mix that into my endeavours, and the failure of milk and teabag before had taught me to steep the tea in the pan I was heating my water in. (I'm in college, we make do with things like pans for teapots and no milk for a week).

But before I could try again to make "a good cuppa" I went on day-retreat with Sigma Nu colony and during that great adventure (see notes on Adventures if I recall to add them). We went out and walked the streets about midnight but everything was closed, so we drove over to the Peabody and their upscale diner. I didn't think Diners could be upscale, but when you sit in a place with red booths and checked tile and are served crepes, mousse cake, and hot spiced tea, then I guess you'd have to consider it a sort of classy joint. Thankfully the food was like a nice cafe or bistro without the upscale pricing. Anyway, here is where I finally had my fine cup of tea. When I ordered the spiced tea, at the chagrin of my fraternal companions, the waiter brought me a fine teapot with steaming water, a milk pitcher, a sugar bowl, a small honey pot, and a lovely teacup. I was delighted. I was able to make an absolutely perfect cup of tea that not only smelled delicious but also tasted wonderful. The tea was a black Chai, and I'm told It's a trendy blend and the brand I was served comes from starbucks, so I'll be sure to look for it again. Anyway, that was the great cup of tea, but now I've become a fan and so being that it is one of perhaps a handful of days that it will be below 50 degrees in Orlando Florida this winter, I'm having another cup tonight.

The milk in my mug made the mixture white. The brown tea from the Sugar Plum teabags that were steeping on the stove turned my tea a light brown. And the tea from April's trip to Paris last spring turned my tea a very drab and somewhat disturbing grey. Which was such a startling change that I grabbed my digital camera to document it for personal posterity. And then I became, in that I'm-not-really-artsy-but-I'd-like-to-be way, inspired by my plain white mug with tea the color of a wet picket fence in the low lit light of a college apartment kitchen past 2:00 am. If you can't picture that for yourself, I hope you someday experience enough life to be able to, or I manage to post pictures with this blog someday :)

ALL of this is rather unremarkable except that the only other thing on my digital camera is pictures of the sky outside from two days ago. Which was quite remarkable itself. A front had rolled through the night before and the day was almost completely clear as a result. My sister phoned around 10:30, and I got up. As I was leaving my room my roommate Matt's alarm went off in his room, which it wasn't supposed to, and shortly thereafter my roomate Chip's phone rang and he was awakened too. None of us had expected to be up at this time. The "night" before Matt had gone out and purchased an X-box, if you're not familiar run a search, and we had been playing it. Matt's purchase wasn't impulse, it was a reward for the grades he'd earned this semester and he had worked very hard specifically for it. The problem was, as we were all blinking at the sneaky and sleep-shattering sun shining in, we noticed that the sky was littered with X's. It was written in the sky that we were to get up and play videogames on that god-given day of no more classes. I'm sure you don't really believe me, but in Florida when a cold front rolls in there are disgusting cold rainstorms all through the night, but in the morning the air is crisp and clean and there's not a cloud in the sky. Except for white X's and vapor trails, which were also making X's. It was uncanny, there were a total of 5 X's in the sky that day. And between heavenly portents and a delicious but quite "London Spring Sky" colored british cuppa, I felt the need to compose.

So, Verbosity, quite obviously my writing style, and on Occasion being my work ethic, I begin this journal, driven by the sky and a gray tea.

Oh, and a trip becomes an adventure if you manage to make some trouble along the way ;-)