Verbosity on Occasion

I just read a report that foreign visitors to Iraq were bombed in their vehicles, burnt to death, had their corpses drug through the streets, and hung from a city bridge. If I were President Bush right now I would inform my Commanders to prepare for withdrawal, we're going to let these ungrateful savages fall into civil war until they've killed themselves or installed a new inhumane regime, which we'll then destroy once more. There's no need to have educated, compassionate American troops risking their lives to protect the lives of those who refuse to use the opportunity we've presented them for a fair and equal society.

Of course, that's not politically feasible, but I think pushing for a return of our troops could win Kerry the next presidential election if he can come up with a way to bring the home without the region returning to chaos. I know If I was a marine over there, having to keep a weapon pointed at civilians out of necessity for my own protection, there is no way I'd retain my commander in chief and I have complete respect for his authority, I simply have the rights as a citizen of our republic to register my opinion freely as one of our American Liberties that were once envied by other countries, rather than mocked.

Again, I write for myself, not for an audience, but if you should read it, you will know my heart tonight.

This entry was from my personal hard copy diary, but I decided I wanted to type it to reflect on more often.



There is no guidebook to life. It's all about coming to decisions on your own and how you deal with those decisions. It is like life really is an unlimited choose-your-own-adventure book but there is no right way to choose. Sometimes choices are made simple by seeing right from wrong, but they get harder with time. I think that's one reason we all watch each other so much. (fashion, news, gossip etc.) We're looking for Role Models to help make life easier, someone to look up to or to inspire us in our choices. But what happens when you find yourself acting as the leader, the role model, and don't have anyone to look up to. I'm very depressed tonight because I honestly decided over the course of the last week that Sigma Nu at UCF is going to fail. I've been watching, hoping for so long, even desperately working behind the scenes. But through lack of planning, poor leadership, no vision or morals, our little venture will come to an end, be it shortly or over a longer span. But worse than realizing this was that I don't have anyone to share my pain, to cry on. Which is not figuratively speaking.

The Brothers I have come to love and trust continue to let me down week after week, and I have grown so weary. My calls go unanswered, when I speak I have no effect. I ask for help, I point our problems, and it all continues to decay. If I can't even call on them in my time of need, haven't we already failed? I have to question whether my morals are just skewed as an individual or as the group really decided that poor choices are acceptable and completely forgotten the importance behind the label of our Fraternity. Rather, Sigma Nu Fraternity, not ours, not now. How is it that I can work for two brotherhoods and yet hold no friendships that I can rely on. I love my roommates but they are not here for my problems, they will always be if I need them but this is beyond their scope and I refuse to risk those precious few remaining friendships with my burdern. Indeed it is to that point, I have invested so much into Sigma Nu and with no one else who cares enough to carry the load it will fail and I feel, I with it. I debate now whether to walk away before it is too late, or to go "all in", give it my last, best, and fullest shot in the hope of salvation. Could I be the role model, or will I be the fool.

My thoughts are all over the place tonight, I just want to record them for me, not for you.

I ate pork that is 8 days old from the fridge. Dumb, but I was hungry. I spat it out after 1 bite, but just that 1 was enough.

Spain was bombed by Al Qaida, instead of fighting back they voted out their government and elected one that would withdraw from the fight against terror. Perhaps safer for Spain in the short run, but it's historically one of the most disputed geographic areas, they will reel from the effects of destabilization in Europe should it ever occur.

Global Warming reports indicate that warming is still on the rise and we are risking over 1,000,000 SPECIES of creature. Many are large mammals who are migrating because heat is destroying habitat. The top 5 hottest years on record have been in the last 6. Last year 15,000+ people died in France due to Europe's heat waves and they are being told that this year will be significantly warmer than the last. The issue in fact isn't heat but cold. If warm air begins to melt the icecaps of our planet the cooled water will enter the jetstream that circulates the Atlantic and Canada, Northern US and most of Europe could become Glaciated in a period as small as 5 years. Can you imagine the chaos?

Meanwhile the internet is educating and empowering individuals to the point where governments and even business corporations are losing power in the global market. Personal trading of goods occurs instead of kingdoms and nations. If I could justify the spending, the only places on this planet I couldn't go now are places controlled by other people who would object to my presence.

Territory disputes are emminent, fights over holy ground is quickly disappating, instead we're just looking for room to exist. China has even pushed below human rights standards to control their population, now they work to educate their populace that they simply cannot grow their numbers any further. Families in India toil in conditions that mirror life over 2000 years ago just to provide food and care for themselves. Is it wrong, not necessarily. They get by and are happy, they have the medicines that they need to survive, just not our modern luxury.

I know I am ill and don't do what it takes to visit the doctor.

I haven't cleaned my room in at least two weeks dispite being a top priority, when I last cleaned it, it was clean for under 12 hours before books, paperwork, clean laundry, etc. cluttered it again.

I try hard to avoid materialism.

In the United States we have more much more landfill than public parks.

Even industries like hollywood are deteriorating, they waste their money, we don't care about the stars, and media prying destroys lives.

Ideals such as honor or trust are exploited not encouraged.

Our soldiers die daily, un-mourned.

In Europe MILLIONS can protest and escape comment in American media.

We spent more money exploring a portion of another planet than medical research, yet the majority of our seas are unexplored.

American support for the empoverished is less than any other modern country, we have revenues well in advance of most others however.

In politics our leaders are clearly deficient in morals and compassion, they fight to win battles of the lesser evil.

In other countries they fight to overthrow their governments because of the inhumane conditions.

South America is ignored as a corrupted, dangerous land. Asia is largely ignored and unknown, most countries not engaged in world politics. Europe binds together for economic growth to combat the US. Africa dies from AIDs with a lifespan in some countries under 25 years. Australia fights bigotry and racism and will be the center of environmental conservation wars in very near times.

Canada's government plays with itself, and comes along with the US like a visiting cousin. Any country who doesn't object is exploited by capitalism.

America's youth is no where near up to par as far as education.

Florida's aquifer will lose potable drinking water for good in as little as 5 years.

Say 40% of our planet freezes over, our temperate zones are already fought over, the world's population migrates.

I've not even touched on religion, not that I'd have any right to, I haven't returned to church since Christmas, and haven't done any community service, I read a few books of the bible at the start of the year. I don't follow the religion I was taught, I don't follow any others either, but I certainly don't uphold the virtues.

Greed will kill us.